Maybe I'll Try Golf

Back when I was still in high school, dad used to ask me if I wanted to join him to the driving range. I never wanted to because I very much liked spending my free time with my friends instead. Almost every day after school, my friends and I would go straight to the internet cafe and play Dota 2 until the sun sets. I was an avid gamer back then, and wasn't interested in what looked like a boring sport for old people. But aside from that, I also didn't think I'd enjoy spending time with him.

You see, as a teenager, I grew up enjoying not being with my parents. Mom would come home from work in the evening, and dad worked in a different province so he could only come home once or twice a year. That was freedom for me. Mostly because they don't like me playing video games. I never even told them that I went to the internet cafe after school. I couldn't imagine if I did. Maybe back then I'd get a daily scolding or an ass-whooping. Or they'd bring it up whenever I mess something up. My parents are like that, especially dad.

Dad is not someone who could easily manage his emotions, I think. Sometimes he could get worked up over little things. One time he was furious at me after I made a mistake when I was helping him fix the water pump. I was heartbroken, disappointed and angry because he was the one asking me to come over and help knowing I had no experience in it. I had many moments like that growing up, so my youth was spent hiding from my parents and enjoying things without them.

Today, about 2 years after I graduated from uni, 6 years after high school, I finally went to the driving range with dad. It's out of my own will. It's also my first time coming home after 3 years living abroad for my studies, so I've enjoyed my freedom very much. I realised that living abroad took away a lot more of my time with family, so spending time with dad is a small part of why I decided to go today. For the most part, though, I really wanted to try golf.

There was one time when I told dad on the phone that I went to mini golf with my friends when I was abroad. I remembered dad took me and my sister to putt putt in my hometown when I was little, so going to putt putt again after a long time reminded me of it. Somehow he responded seriously when I told him about it. He asked how I did, how many holes I played, what my score was, if I enjoyed the game. I don't think we ever really talked about golf before then, and I didn't even know if dad still played golf or not, but he was asking me about the putt putt as if it was an actual game. It was just a mini golf!

The thing that stuck to me the most is what he said after that. He said what made golf special is that it's a game against yourself. Even for a simple putt putt game. Although you're playing with people, you're not playing against them. Whatever they do has nothing to do with you nor does it affect how you play. It's about doing your best regardless of the situation. It takes focus, patience, determination, and — to my surprise — emotional regulation. Interesting to hear that from a short-tempered person.

On the phone, we agreed to go to the driving range when I come home. I thought it won't hurt to try. To be honest, the thought of trying to do my best while focusing on myself and not worrying about others resonated with me. It felt liberating just hearing about it. I guess I needed this. Last year was one hell of a roller coaster and I felt like I needed some time to work on myself. Maybe this is it. Growing up, I also felt I had the same short temper as dad, so I thought I'd give golf a try.

Before we went to the range today, dad showed me a full golf set that he has got ready for me. It's got a lot of clubs with different shapes and length and I didn't know what the purpose of each. He explained each clubs to me and the situation felt like something out of an action movie where the character is shown a vault of guns and blades. They are old clubs, he said, but they still look very good. I googled the price and they're still hella expensive! Dad said that he got a new set recently so I could have this one.

When we arrived at the range, it felt familiar, but I couldn't remember if I've been here. Dad told me he brought me and my sister here when I was little, but I could recall nothing. Still, the layout of the building, the seats and the atmosphere felt nostalgic. The memory is just too distant for me to recall, I guess. The staffs greeted dad like he was a regular. They know his name, and a few of them took a glance at me.

We were assigned bays, one for each. My dad asked for a caddie to introduce me to golf and teach me. I don't know what a caddie is, but I guess they're there to assist you when needed. Dad said it's better for me to learn from a good tutor, and he said that the caddies here know how to teach.

The caddie that I got was an old man looking like he was in his 70s, and he sure is knowledgable. His swing was so smooth, and he taught me with so much patience. I tried to really listen to him and do what he said. He began with showing me the stance, how to grip, and the basic concept of swinging the club. To my surprise, I could hit the ball quite far on my first try.

I noticed that most of my balls go to the right, and the caddie said that it's okay for a beginner and I don't have to worry about it. I just need to be able to consistently hit the ball. The whole swing still felt unnatural for me, and I could feel my hands, forearms and lower back were straining. It is apparently pretty hard to accurately hit a stationary ball with a club and make it go far. Dad told me that golf requires consistency, so if I want to be good, I have to practice regularly. He said it's easy to forget how to swing if you haven't developed the muscle memory to do so.

The feeling when you hit the ball was so satisfying, though. I don't know how to describe it, but the whole thing is a sensory pleasure where you can feel the impact on the club when you hit the ball, hear the ball being struck, and see it fly. I think I like this. I could see people on the other bays swinging really well, and it reminded me of what dad said about playing against myself. I can be good at golf and I WILL be good at it, and I won't be comparing myself with others in the process.